My insanity career to mars or pres or streets or retire in place.

Billy Joel on now.  Gets very personal for me.  Um, Vienna sausage?  I had corn dogs and Brats the last few days.  Proper food for me now or back to veggi?  "But you can't always see when you are right."  I have brand new gas cooking gear for vegan curries.  Just have to walk the tank to a store to refill (smaller than standard tank and I'm new in this neighborhood without a car, carry on bike is a little scary, but possible).

Am I just going to be amazing mars potential didn't quite make it die soon on streets?  Ahead of her time?  Staying woman if I have any say about it.  Meds or not.  Wonderful stuff in space if you ask me.  Down here too.  Would love to just stay alone doing this every day for the rest of my life, but I need to consume something and drinking alcohol is off the table (95% commitment) and smoking drugs is out (90% commitment).  HRT is good.  They may just allow me to take it either way.

Launch on July 4th 2026?  The plan?  Land on that day?  Hail Mary just send me up with the best of what we have.  No one has done it.  Going to die anyway.  Eat what I want?  But I want to be as best as I can.  Last as long up there.  Or fantasy down here.  Back to chicken delivery every day?  Chance card work with last incorrect balance check of $6?  Only missed two payments since, well, two mortgage payments before house sale last summer then 850 credit score before, tight budgeting.  Taking debt, paying debt, NET 90+.  Introvert no good at accounts receivable or in person "I'm Rachel." "Ah, OK.  What do you want?"

Dilemma.  Am I making any decisions?  This is just a movie show?  Need bigger muscles?  Less fat on already twig frame?  Perfect body, mind, spirit?  Trust that I am world respresentative totally rejected going to mars with no money president?

How would you know what the trip is like?  Did we go?  Just tourism?  Why do I want to go?  Well, I'm not that adventure adverse!  Get on plane walk to launch site alone scared?  Grows up?  Just want to do my work like at home wherever I'm at.  Partner bonus.  On Earth, don't know how to choose partner, but would be picky about it.  Don't want to deal with crazy rejection.  Going to Mars?  Neighbors taking care of it?  Both places?  Trust?  Today?  Do I need to take an action?  I can't do nothing or do they want me to take phone off hook?  Already off hook.  Go com dark?  Having fun being on output, but I can monolog it all out without internet.  Without electricity, still have bass 6x2, AA battery keyboard and 404 playback.  Enough money for 4 more batteries.  Could run both off of 1/8, 3.5mm headphone splitter.  Too much trouble?  To go to Mars?  Centuries of passion and drive?  What to do?  What's there?  Go anyway?  Someone is president.  It is a job to be done like romantic weirdo piano/bass/bone 12 instrument fusion tranny lovely beautiful fun.

Put on Natural Science?  Tears?  Balanced again?  Dona?  Doo-bop best loop again?  Emerge crush?  More than joke heart space?  Send email take chance grow up learn to reject?  Chose food of desire at store?  Engineering complications?  Future maintenance?

Writing in space?  Monolog no one to see in real time but myself?  How does hair look today?  Message from bestie com?  Going with me?  Said staying on 3 a couple years ago.  Technical support w/love?  Play Tears without recording?  Michelle plays Lessons cool intro not bad lyrics?  Write something new I play bass too?  It's OK smoke breast meet repeat ->

Uh, so, not entirely sure Mars is a place in the 3d sphere, but....

Research this morning, vacuum of space may not pull the rocket up, but you know, the farther up you go, the less things you are hitting.  Doing straight to another planet is certainly different than achieving orbit.  Straight up, just like that jet fighter I saw last summer on my lovely walking back from Montana in heels, no bags, no ID, no money event.

Theoretically, it seems like the special size and configuration of a Saturn V rocket makes sense.  Too small and it would be too fast like you see from that insane N Korea dictating teletype person.  He probably has a marble floor in the back yard with some exotic tree dropping some round seeds.  Likely they launched a bunch straight up for centuries.  Not like we are all the sudden space age developed a hunger for exploration.  Seems easier than a plane.

Planes actually get up there quick, right?  Take off, you can feel it climb.  Above the 10,000' mountains pretty quick.  That's 2 miles!  What, do they say 40,000 feet cruising?  I know I look down on the mountains and auroras when I was a young traveler (I'm more traveling without moving now).

It seems the main problem is of course, our body and gravity.  I have a practice of shoulder stands which creates a strong adam's apple as does bicycling which I do quite frequently, especially when I was young.  Hard swallow guy thing.  Haven't vomited in over 25 years, but was quite good at it back in the day.  And the blood to the feet reverse of direction.  Well, it's still gravity.  Can't escape that down here.  Pressure can hold you together likely.  Spinning, even if a small chamber, would push matter to the center.  Yes, the movies have that incorrect, right?  It's more like an old school sit-n-spin like the one we had with the plastic sheet going down the lawn with the water flowing down from the top in the 70's.  Funny that I'm just realizing this now, but you know, or don't, I work a lot.  Not sure what coding project to get to today.  Got the food problem too to deal with.

Thoughts?  Oh, just realized a few minutes ago that my kinda silly engineering comedy is kinda elevated from retirement spirit.  Going to Mars, may die within a year if launch is soon.  Staying here, might die too.  May last 30 years.  I feel strong enough as long as I can maintain my chemistry which is so odd I don't even know what to do at all and am in trust mode.  Trust mode certainly isn't an engineering type of technology.  It's more of a worry type of deal making sure you got it right because you know that you almost always make a mistake in there somewhere.  It's hard enough with pure honesty and completely open communication.

Thoughts now??


the moon?  I had ruled it out years ago.  Been there, done that.  Did we?  Not sure, but yeah, we sent something up there!  The pictures coming from space?  Well, we have something pretty far up!  Test of systems?  Thoughts just a minute ago, well, it wouldn't be a great test of automated docking, right?  Dry run for astro-cosmo?  Seems like not worth a second hit.  I was probably born into this gig, given 4 name and schedule.  Am I too small, waste away?  Crazy enough, absolutely!  Mental strength?  Absolutely!  Love, passion.  Got it all and my body is exotically dense as well, with certainly a little fat on the edges.  Could be perfect.

It would likely be a go for it scenario.  Was secret service told 6 months ago or so "Of course 4 goes to Mars.  No one has ever done this before Rand."  You know, I'm on the ready and take it seriously even if it pans out to didn't quite make the cut/window or simple other plan for me.  I'm certainly stacked with the right stuff all around and have been proven that they can control every aspect of my mind/body function.  Worry and fear is definitely good for many reasons and stress training.  Isolation around me?  But then not isolated?  Go out on the streets weirdness but nothing truly bad ever happens?  Hard bicycle wrecks just proving that I still have excellent skills all around?  Not a scratch.  Go to hospital?  Hmm, no, inventory says good enough, I'll ride the 15 miles home.  Walk if I have to.  All else fails, find a place off to the side to take a rest and try again when the winds change.

30 rockets simultaneous launch?  Maybe just 15?  You know, just scaring people with a roller coaster ride?  Who do you think I am?  Is there a massive amount of rockets or not?  Don't disappoint me like that!  I'm good enough writing some math at the library.

....then pondering again.  Am I good enough?  I feel the way you would? ACCAB?